aahhh. cornerstone. one more year in attendance. granted, only for one day and night but the familiar joys and frustrations met me there. it is such a place of dichotomy. you have these christians who look so radical and consider themselves so outside of the mainstream church but the only thing that seems different is their hair color or how dirty they are willing to get. their beliefs and theology and lifestyle is much like the brothers and sisters they want to separate from. i do appreciate the diversity of cornerstone - there are folks still hanging on hoping for change within the christian culture, for community and simple living in the midst of booths advertising for christian television (no kidding) and christian jewelry and christian clothing - christian everything. and so therefore nothing is christian anymore. but still, there's a part of me that loves going.

but that's not what is most on my mind right now. you'd think that night after night of the same ideas would bore me or annoy me but i have to say, night after night i am convicted. i am moved towards jesus and embarrassed about my life. i find myself longing to be a part of a faithful body of christ, to sacrifice and follow and lay down my sword to pick up the cross. now, i'm not the most "christian" christian you'll ever meet. i usually let chris do the soul searching for the both of us (i do see the problem in that, of course) and i hate to make big promises i won't be able to keep but i sense a revival in me and it's reminding me of some of the earlier desires of my heart. it's making me question the things i care about, the course of our lives in this little family. i'm thinking a lot about how i want to raise my kids and what values i want to offer them, and how i want to order our lives.

we've been talking a lot about the holidays of the church. you know, like pentecost is the day of the birth of the church, not the fourth of july. christmas is the day of the arrival of our savior, not columbus day. i'm hoping to incorporate more of the holy days of church into my life as we start to loosen our grip on the holidays of the state. re-ordering our lives. good stuff.

in other news we made it to colo-radical and are now relaxing.


Andrea said...

i know, let's make an ecological liturgy---plant our potatoes on st. patrick's day, and our garlic on Columbus Day. Yes dearheart, your neighbors have taken good care of your garden up here. I am excited to show you the changes in the gardens, and our hard work. i love you.

Linda said...

I am looking forward to hearing more about where your conviction lands you! Love you! Hope you are getting good rest!

Timothy Heatwole Shenk said...

Thanks for the reflections, Cassie. Sounds like you're doing some soul-searching of your own :) (and it's okay that Chris is part of it.) I know the Spirit of Jesus is with you all on tour!

lara said...

i can relate to many of those thoughts cassie. thanks for sharing a different perspective of cornerstone than i got from my chris.

lara said...

you have been meeme'd

Jerry DePoy Jr. said...

All I can say is: I love this post! Thanks for your transparency!

I echo your frustrations, but feel as if I am a contributor (me, in my jetta and ipod and blogging).

where does this hypocrisy end?